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4 Simple Steps to Strengthen Your Emotional Self-Reliance Muscles

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “if such-and-such would happen for me, then I could be happy? If I could just get X wish to come true—a better job, a bigger house, a million dollars—then everything would be great?”

If thoughts like this filter through your head, or if you’ve ever hoped for some external force to come and rescue you, you’re not alone! We are trained to believe that happiness comes from outside, from some magic “fix” that will take all our troubles away. But unfortunately, that’s not how life works!

Even if temporary “happiness” can be gained from something or someone outside, real, true, enduring happiness can only come from within, from trusting and relying on yourself to fulfill your needs. This is called emotional self-reliance and means your worth, your value and your decisions are guided by your own internal compass and NOT by what others or society dictates.

Emotional self-reliance means you are emotionally independent and trust in your higher self to provide the right answers and help you stay connected to who you really are, no matter what is happening around you.

You might be wondering how this emotional self-reliance can make you happier. Simply put, when you rely on yourself to fulfill and validate your emotional needs, you are able to:

Sounds pretty good, right?

So, how can you become more emotionally self-reliant?

The first step is to accept and believe that you do in fact have all the answers you need—they already exist within you. But you must take the time to listen to the wisdom that comes from that inner voice. There’s no special ritual or lotus position required; just trust with an open heart, a willingness to hear the answers, and the courage to follow through on the insights received.

Sounds pretty straight forward, but what if you, like most of us, have difficulty tuning into the deeper parts of your soul, or hearing the calm, loving voice inside? Would you be willing to practice some simple steps if you knew that by doing so would lead you to hearing your own inner wisdom? The most important step, and one you can easily do every single day, is allowing time and space to quiet the crazy chatter in your mind. Literally taking just 5 minutes at any point during your day and focusing solely on the sound of your breathing can offer tremendous rewards! Here are four additional and simple steps to help you go within and strengthen your emotional self-reliance muscles:

Step 1: Stop Asking or Waiting for Permission from Others

You are the only one living your life, and it is yours alone to live. Too often we tend to rely on opinions, advice, and criticism from others instead of trusting our intuition and our own internal compass. Possibly the most important key to happiness is learning how to prioritize your inner voice over the external voices, to make decisions that come from you and not the people around you. It’s the first step in becoming more emotionally self-reliant and more consistently happy.

Step 2: Go Within for Answers and Guidance

You already have the voice of wisdom inside you, but you have to make sure to check in with it! Be bold in asking the question or questions you want answered. Trust that your question will be answered and be open to all the ways that answer can appear in your life. Create space in your life for alone time each day, five to ten minutes any time throughout your day, and really listen for the answers you seek. You can do this by closing your eyes and asking questions, focusing solely on the sound of your breathing, or tuning into your body to gauge how you’re feeling. Notice where there is tension in your body, pay attention to what images, thoughts, and feelings arise with each question. Take note of which answers feel good, right, or true for you. Perhaps the tension in your belly dissipates, or your shoulders relax; your jaw might loosen, or you may feel generally calmer and more grounded. These subtle signs are proof that your inner wisdom is speaking to you, guiding you along the right path.

Step 3: Make a Decision and Stick to It

It’s easy to second-guess every choice you make, especially if the world around you doubts your ability to choose correctly. But remember, what may seem right for others is not necessarily right for you. If you have checked in with yourself, and listened to the answers provided, then you need to trust that the decision you make is the best choice based on this guidance. Stick with it! Have confidence in yourself and your power to choose wisely! It—you—knows what to do, so don’t backtrack or give in to doubt. The more you rely on yourself to make important decisions, the happier you’ll be.

Step 4: Awaken Your Inner Warrior

Sometimes emotional self-reliance takes a little fighting, a little bit of warrior-attitude to stick to what you know is right for you. We live in a world that is all about the quick fix. Commercials, articles, even your friends may try to convince you that you need some magic potion, that the only way to happiness is that bigger, better thing you need to pursue at all costs. To combat this external pressure, you may have to awaken your inner warrior in order to fight for the things that are truly most important to you.

Emotional self-reliance is a powerful tool and when you practice building these internal muscles, amazing things begin to happen within and outside of you. We all know those people who seem to have everything and yet, they are miserable. You also probably know someone who has been through plenty of hardship and still seems to carry a positive outlook. This is because emotional self-reliance is not dependent on what is happening outside, but rather, what is happening inside. You can sustain a sense of peace even through dark times because trusting yourself and relying on yourself for validation, decisions, and guidance is the only way to live a life that is aligned with what is most valued by you.

If you want to learn more about strengthening your emotional self-resilience, be sure to stay tuned for our upcoming FREE online SOULFEST coming February 24, 2020. We are hosting 55 renowned spiritual leaders and teachers who share their wisdom and practices for staying grounded, deeply connected and true to yourself in a rapidly changing world. Sign up for our monthly newsletter to receive updates about our FREE online SOULFEST by visiting our website at